Monday, February 28, 2011

Interesting Stats

Just for fun I decided to look at the stats for my blog... the page that really interested me was the sources page... where all my viewers are from...

Views by country:
United States 886
Canada 12
Slovenia 10
Germany 6
Denmark 5
Russia 4
Peru 3
Puerto Rico 2
Singapore 2


Interesting huh... I know that Zach had a mission friend visiting Russia for a while so he may have been the Russian viewer... I have a friend in Germany, and cousins in Peru. Other than those and the US I wonder how people from the other countries found my blog...



Search Keywords
christmas favorites quiz
2
insert the same letter 12 times into this string of letters and respace the result to form six related words. you don't need to rearrange any of the letters in the string.
2
rileddlngsecckatwl
2
carolyn's cozy corner
1
curdle french silk pie
1
curdled french silk pie
1
just one of those days hot chocolate mug
1
mensa brain puzzler of the week answers
1
mensa brain teaser archives
1
portraits by carolyn
1



What do your blog stats look like?

Friday, February 18, 2011

Good Laughs

I was looking through my email, and came across these stories/jokes. I had some pretty good laughs. I hope you all enjoy them too!


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Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won:

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment that sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through agarden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now, this all sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's fantastic...it's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This, of course, only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bottom started to feel a burning sensation. I pulled the hose out from my back, thinking that maybe the water was too hot, but the damage was done.

In agony, I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it directly into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I had scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish, and all of its poisonous, stinging tentacles, into the crack of my bottom.

I immediately informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my bottom was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bottom.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.

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HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET:

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots,

size 14-16 - or larger.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a

copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: 'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and

Slim, and I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't

mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and

messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was

hard to tell from all the blood.

P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.'

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!!!!

Thanks for using the Redneck Security Company

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Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole.

"Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine, ?'" asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da....."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'"?

Ole said, 'Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road... ..

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded.

"Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans. Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene.. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her."

"After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shot her right 'tween da eyes. Den da Patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?' Now vat da heck would you say?"